15 Oct Are you enabling addictive behaviors?
When you’re in love with an addict, you are literally fighting with drugs and alcohol for your partner’s love and attention. This tug-of war to rise to the top of your loved one’s priority list is an uphill battle as you constantly question your own sanity while you listen to your significant other’s inconsistencies. No matter what they do, you are in it for the long haul because you refuse to let your partner feel like you’re going to leave him or her in the lurch when they’re down on their luck. But what about you? Are you enabling addictive behaviors? Can you say, “Enough is enough,” or will you continue to live in fear because of unresolved abandonment issues?
Don’t ignore your instincts: Stop enabling addictive behaviors
You and your partner both deserve health and happiness, but if your partner is taking you down in this sinking ship, it’s time for you to advocate for yourself and know when to stop feeding their addiction. “How do I feed my partner’s addiction?” you may ask. The warning signs are distinctly clear, but the sober partner continues enabling addictive behaviors in any of the following ways:
• Giving/lending money when the addict is “broke.” This money is probably going to drugs and alcohol, not to pay the bills
• Accepting the partner’s lies and manipulation when evidence points to inconsistencies
• Making excuses for the loved one’s behavior
• Refusing to see the reality of the situation
• Suppressing important feelings, such as expressing concern, worry, or anger when the loved one displays irresponsible and destructive behavior (i.e., avoiding conflict)
Are you enabling addictive behaviors if you stay?
Is your partner relying on the fact that you won’t ever leave? Do you feel better being in a relationship that’s not working than being alone? The fear of leaving a relationship can often be confused with false guilt. Both of you find security in being with each other, but being together in a dysfunctional relationship really isn’t helping you or your partner get better. In fact, the dysfunction is destroying the both of you. Your friends and loved ones have been trying to get your attention and open your eyes, but you can’t see it because you’re in the situation.
Certain personality traits make partners more vulnerable to codependent relationships. In a study that appears in the journal Addiction &
Health, findings show that women who have depression, anxiety or other mood disorders are highly likely to be in a codependent relationship with men who have a substance abuse addiction. What’s behind the fear of walking away? Is it about helping the loved one with substance abuse addiction, or is it more about the sober partner needing the relationship to feel whole?
Dual diagnosis treatment: Find help for substance use disorders, codependent relationships
It certainly helps to hear an objective view of one’s relationship with someone struggling with substance use disorder. One of the worst things in the world is feeling alone when you’re trying to fix something (or someone) and meeting resistance. The lies, the multiple failed attempts to get well, the countless apologies that feel empty, and the repetitive monotony of having to do this over again tomorrow – you’ve had enough and it’s time to put a stop to this madness. As one of the nation’s best dual diagnosis addiction treatment centers, New Method Wellness offers you effective programs such as couples counseling, family education, and individual counseling to help you and your loved one achieve long-lasting happiness apart from drugs and alcohol. Are you finally tired of dealing with this on your own? Turn it over to the addiction professionals at New Method Wellness, where our holistic treatment programs have been recognized by Dr. Phil and featured on the critically acclaimed A & E’s Intervention!